Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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