I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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