I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
