I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
