those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize