i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
