my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize