Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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