Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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