Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Randomize