Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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