Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
