Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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