I just pynch a tree in the face
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
