i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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