Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
