don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ladies don't puke and tell
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
