Can i not drive my cunt home
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
