You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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