dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
