If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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