Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
