By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
