i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
