Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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