I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
