matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize