I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
