I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
