then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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