Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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