You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
