If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
