I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
