the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
