Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
