The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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