I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
