If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
