Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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