all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize