I'm so fucking centered right now
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
