is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
