She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
