I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
