i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
