I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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