he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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