My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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