is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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