I wish I could teleport
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
