Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize