The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
