Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
