yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
