You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
