How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
