Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize