i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
