Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
