I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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