Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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