i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
