just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
