Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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