this beer tastes like vomit already
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
