Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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