is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize