Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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