Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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