it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
