I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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