I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
