I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
