Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize