Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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