Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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