does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Me too!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
