i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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