i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you traded sex for a burrito?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize