I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
