I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
