I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
